Sunday, December 16, 2012

MillionMonk's Thoughts on Philippine Showbiz

TV networks are like religion. Its either you are Kapuso or Kapamilya and then you wage war with each other.

There are no more true comedy actors. Gone were the days of Vic Sotto/Rene Requiastas , Dolphy/Babalu slapsticks kind. Comedy in movies are provided by gay comedians with self-depreciating punchlines.

Since comedy is in a decline, so are Panget artistas. Even Panget artistas are endorsing beauty products now.

Reality TV is the way to "discover" mediocre and one hit wonders.

Winners of reality TV are suddenly revealved to have dated this actor/actress and was a part time model before joining the show. 

An actor can be a singer even if he is out of tune just based on his fame.

A singer can get Platinum record even if the whole album is 100% recycled songs. They call it revive/renditions/versions.

An actress can endorse vaginal wash even if she was publicly known to have had STD.

Majority of teen actors are rumored gays.

Majority of rumors are true.

You know a movie is coming when out of nowhere, Actress A and Actor B are linked to each other.

The watching audience are still stupid enough to believe screen love teams are real.

An old actor can have a leading lady the age of his daughther or grandchild.

And yes, they do have kissing scenes.

Everyone is dating everybody. They just keep swapping love teams.

In effect, everbody are losyang. Actress A have been an ex of actor B but before that actor c, simultaneos with actor d. And now dating Actor e. Those actors have dated actress a-z and they are all close friends.

They are not afraid of over exposure. They can be in 3 series, hosting a variety show and showing a movie at the same time.

On a slow day, showbiz talk shows are known to invite couples to profess their never ending love on national TV every weekend. 

Their birthdays are celebrated in all shows, in all time slots. morning show, noon time variety show, afternoon talk show, evening news... (sige na kaw na tumuhog)

You walk out in an interview to incite controversy.

(insert decease here) Awareness organization pops out and comes alive when  a celebrity is inflicted with (insert decease here)

Domestic/Marital problem becomes national concern, and a subject of senate investigations  "in aid of legislation" 

Script Writers are too lazy to think of new stories and they just serialize old movies, with same characters, plot and everything.

Come to think of it, if they are are too lazy to think of an original story, what more more for original titles? Hence, cinenovelas.

Heroines these days are on either the extreme sides of personality disorders. Either Too kind, or too evil. 

Leads/love team in these series are obviously teen looking but they still get married/have children/have love childs/kill each other/do cheesy and mature things with each other. 

They still become role models of the generation.

However kind and empathic the bida is, in the end they always kill the contrabida.

Contrabidas, always die in a bloody gunfight or explosives at the end of the series.

The ending almost always involves kidnapping.

These happens irregardless if the series are Comedy/ Romantic or fantasy. 

Characters get sick/die/disappear on Series A just to be revived as a new character on series B.

Politicians wants to be actors. Actors want to be politicians. A Boxer wants to be both.

You don't need to know good acting to be an actor. You just have to look good.

You don't need to be good in acting to be an actress. You just have be a daughter of a celebrity.

Actors are used to reading scripts, their true intellectual capacities come out when interviewed candidly ( Psychology daw sya)

Speaking fluent tagalog is optional. Baluktot accent is considered cute. In any case that's what the dubbers are for. 

Nobody admits they are dating, they are just enjoying each other's company.

We are all surpised when they break up.

Tabloids are more credible  than the broadsheets.

Talkshow host are more authorative than news achors.

Tabloids and Talkshow hosts are often kanto gays or gossiping matronas.

Apparently they have a degree in broadcasting or and journalism major in tsismising.

Majority of child stars grow up to be matinee idols and sexy starlets.

Most of these childs are already wasak.

only Sarah Geronimo is still a virgin.

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