Le Taxi Driver Experience

                       

The best tour guides in any city are the cab drivers. They know all things both trivial and weird about places that you will not find in any travel guide books and blogs. This is specially true in the small city state of Singapore, where a cab driver of 2 years probably have been literally everywhere multiple times. These cab drivers can also be a source of general opinions (political or otherwise, mostly unwanted too) and local gossips. If they are talkative enough, they could be a the Singapore voice in a nutshell for Tourists.

As a matter of fact, I learned all the juicy stuffs and street knowledge from them when I first settled here some 5 years ago. 

Scene number 1: 
Coming from a party around 2AM, going back home I heard this unexpected field report about Girls of Geylang. 

Me: Uncle, Lorong 28 Geylang
Driver: Ahhh.... Which way, geylang ah? You Filipino ah?
Me: We go Guillemard, Yeah, How can you tell?
Driver: You, Babaero ahh.. Hahahahaha (Babaero = Playboy in tagalog)
Me: Where did you learn that word?!
Driver: My Filipina gerpren told me.

The Playboy Taxi Uncle who have a Filipina gerpren started telling stories about the girls I will find in Geylang. Apparently he thought I'm there to find some sexy time.

Driver: Dun waste your money with tseena gels ah. Outside they veli sweet. But you pay money   inside they just shake your didi until to come then finish leh. Waste of 100 dalla. Better take those indo cewek (?) (he pronouced as chiwek - i don't know what this is) at Lorong 10, you pay 30 or 40 good sevis oredi. Best sevis are Thailand ger. Veli veli good sevis.

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Scene number 2:
I Learned On how big Singapore actually is.

Driver: I drive 20 years. First time flood like this. Siao eh (crazy) betta commute but MRT faulty too. Dun know what’s happening leh.

They dig dig for mrt. Yellow line, Brown line, why need so many lines ah, Singapore so small what? 
I drive from Changi to Tuas in 1hour! Aiyoo!

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Scene Number 3: 
They are also multilingual and amusing with their showing off.

Driver: You Filipino ah?

Ako: Yup, how did you know?

Driver: How you speak. I kenna learn Filipino too. Salamat po!

Ako: Cool, where did you learn?

Driver: I have lots of Filipino passengers, night shift call centers and club gels.

Ako: Ah…

Driver: Kaliwa, kanan? Hahahahaha. (translation: Left or Right? LOL) -- This despite we were on an overpass and there are not exits to turn left or right

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Scene number 4:
Singapore held a Presidential Election 2 years ago, and coming from PH with a westernized political structure, the notion of Prime Minister and MP's confuses me. Uncle Cabbie to the rescue.

Driver: Election coming already, all president running last name Tan. Very funny lah.

Ako: Uncle, what’s the difference between, President, Prime Minister and LKY (Lee Kuan Yew)

Driver: LKY is Minister Mentor, he is father. Prime Minister is his son (which is true literally)  

            President is like treasurer only and display.

Ako: Like mother?

Driver: No, more like maid.

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Scene 4: 
Just like how they learn from us when it comes to Language. 
We too, can learn from them.

Driver: Filipino language almost same same with malay language

Ako: I know, Pintu, Batu, Gunting…

Driver: Yah lah, I understood what you talking back there.

Ako: Bro, what’s the Malay word for FART

Driver: Fat?

Ako: Fart

Driver: What? Fat ah?

Ako: No, no, fart. You know puuuttt and then bad smell? (while discribing, I was pointing at my ass)

Driver:  Ahhh… Buntut!

Ako: No, I know buntut. Buntut is tail right? Like monkey, tail? Buntut. I mean fart. The smell.

Driver: Ahhhh I know I know. KENTUT!

Ako: (Shocked) Really?! KENTUT?! Hahahaha. What does, Kentut means? (just to make sure)

Driver: Bad smell, you asked. Why you KENTUT ah? Don’t KENTUT inside my cab!!!

Sometime later (actually a few weeks after) I had a chance to ask our Malay speaking courier and ask him if KENTUT is fart and of course, It is. 

** Kentut sounds the same as the tagalog word for FUCK. The super obscene and vulgar version. 
     I am actually contemplating on writing it down because it's that vulgar I feel dirty. hahahaha.
     But here you go, KANTUT. So yeah. Cheers